A leader I coached felt like an outsider almost from the moment they stepped into their role.
Not because they weren’t exceptionally well-qualified—but because the cultural premium on speed and extroversion was relentless.
Think out loud. Talk sooner. Talk faster. Interrupt.
But their preference was introversion.
Listen. Process privately. Pause.
And they came from a culture where humility and reflection were valued.
Having all the answers on tap was not. Listening signaled respect. Extroverting every thought did not.
For a while, they tried to adapt by “performing extroversion.”
All that did was drain them and increase their anxiety.
Coaching helped them reframe: The qualities that made them feel out of place also made them who they are.
They started leading from that foundation where it felt safest—their own organization, where they had built-in authority.
Business and cultural indicators began moving up—surprisingly quickly—validating the reframe.
But the edge would not sell itself, especially at the top of the company, where certainty and speed were the dominant currency.
They needed a bridge between their way and the unwritten rules of influence and success.
They challenged themselves to jump in before they felt quite ready, staying in the shallow end to start—asking a question or sharing a preliminary reaction: “My initial instinct is X, I’ll confirm it by end of day.”
And they began building an intentional coalition of mentors and sponsors—their manager, but also other senior leaders, peers, and even subordinates—who had mastered the language of the system.
Under pressure, puffing up or shrinking back can feel like the only options.
They aren’t. But embracing who you are isn’t a silver bullet, either.
It might be where the hardest—but most meaningful—work begins.